Divas Undressed
New York City Thong-athon
Cole: There's gonna be three separate competitions tonight. The teddy competition, also bra & panties and the fantasy free for all where the girls, well they can use their imaginations.
King: I'm already using my imagination Michael.
Cole: I can imagine.
Teddy Competition
Cole: She's six foot tall, weighs in about 120 pounds...
King: Michael, shut up! What do you think this is? Wrestling? This is a Thong-a-thon man, get with it. Talk about her butt, talk about her legs.
Cole: She indeed does have legs.
King: Oh man, I like where they start at the floor, go all the way up and make a, well...an ass out of themselves.
- About Stacy Keibler -
Cole: She didn't look like that in Tough Enough.
King: Is that a teddy? Woohoo!
- About Linda Miles -
King: I'd like to see her briefs.
Cole: I think you are.
King: I think I am too. Check it out. Oh my goodness!
- About Dawn Marie -
King: She's got kind legs Michael. The kind I'd like to have wrapped around me. How hot is she?
- About Dawn Marie -
*Torrie Wilson's entrance music starts*
King: There's more? You know what they say, too much of a good thing can be wonderful.
Cole: She's an absolute angel.
King: She's very photogenic. I'd like to take her in a darkroom and see what develops.
- About Torrie Wilson -
Cole: You know, Maven her boyfriend is one of the judges.
King: She's got a boyfriend?
Cole: Yeah.
King: Rats.
Cole: I don't know if it's serious though.
King: Oh. I'm getting serious right now. Do you wanna see something swell?
- About Torrie Wilson -
Cole: She's from down your way in Tennessee.
King: She's a southern belle? Check her out. Yeah baby! She's got alot of class.
Cole: Class?
King: It may be low but she's got alot of class.
- About Nidia -
Man, I hate to see her go but I love to watch her leave.
She might be my new favourite.
- King about Nidia -
King, we're just getting started and you're already hyperventilating.
- Cole as Terri begins her walk down the runway -
Obviously well reared.
- King referring to Terri's...you know what -
*Paul Heyman takes photos of Terri's behind in a thong*
Cole: Look at Heyman.
King: What a lecherous creep. I hate a dirty old man like him. But I guess a dirty mind is better than no mind at all, isn't it?
King: She's got it goin' on alright.
Cole: Brother!
King: Man oh man!
Cole: Can I vote?
King: I wonder if she believes in love at first sight or should I stand up again?
- About Jackie Gayda -
Cole: Sit down, you're not allowed to go up there yet.
King: I can't stand up right now anyway.
Rico: You spent all that money on your front side and you're showing your backside. So why don't you show the judges the money, honey?
- To Jackie -
Rico: What's that? Well you tell her to keep her panties on. My name is Rico, not David Copperfield and there's only so much magic I can perform in one night.
Edge: I just can't believe that I'm in New York City judging a Thong-a-thon. I mean, what took the WWE so long to do this? I think everybody should get a Golden Thong.
Coach: Now Maven, your girlfriend is in there competing. Did she do anything before the competition to sway your judgement?
Maven: Honestly Coach, I can't remember anything ever, ever being quite this hard.
Bra & Panties Competition
Michael, I may need to be hosed down.
- King just before Terri enters -
King: The panties are coming off! She's my new favourite.
Cole: She looked good in a teddy too. She may be ahead on the scorecard. Look at her boyfriend Maven, he's gotta be lovin' that.
King: How can you look at Maven when she's standing there?
- About Torrie Wilson -
Back to the trailer park....I love her.
- King as Nidia walks back up the runway -
King: She got legs Michael.
Cole: Is she your new favourite?
King: Yes!
- About Stacy Keibler -
Coach: The appetising Jackie!
King: Appetising! Woohoo!
Cole: Appetising is the right word.
King: Finger lickin' good!
Oh, keep bending over baby!
- King about Jackie -
Cole: I think the Golden Thong award has got to be an annual thing.
King: What about weekly?
Cole: Daily.
King: Yeah!
King: Do you want me to tell you how I feel about women like Dawn?
Cole: How?
King: With my fingers. That's how I feel about 'em.
I've never wanted to be a chair so badly in my life.
- King as Terri brings out a chair to use as a prop -
I knew those weren't real.
- King after Mae Young threw her breast enhancer chicken fillets to the judges -
King: Look at her puppies. They look like two worn out old tube socks with a prune at the end of them.
Cole: I'm trying not to look. Stop the pain! Stop the pain!
Fantasy Free For All Competition
Coach: First up is Nidia. Nidia is wearing her farmers daughter/Daisy Duke, perfect for one of those many romps in the hay.
Cole: Hohoho! What do they say if the trailer's rockin'?
King: Don't come knockin'. Don't tell me you wouldn't like to roll up in the hay with her?
Cole: Well, I'm not saying that.
King: Oh, she was just the farmers daughter.
Look at those hips. I am hypnotised.
- King about Nidia -
Coach: Torrie is wearing baby pink gingham patterned panties and matching top.
King: Oh! That's right down my alley, isn't it Michael?
Cole: She looks like she's about in your age group.
King: Yeah. Well, you're only as old as the woman you feel.
Cole: You wish you were a lollypop tonight, don't ya?
King: Uh huh.
Coach: Linda is wearing a black patent leather dominatrix garter and stocking set with matching boots and riding bra.
King: Dominatrix?! Woohoo...yeah! Sticks and stones'll break my bones but whips and chains excite me!
Ain't America great? It's the land of milk and honey's.
- King -
I'm just waiting for those red lights to turn green.
- King about Terri's electric dreamcatcher bra & panties -
Oh look, his camera won't work. Look, he's got a spare.
- King when Paul Heyman was trying to take photos of Terri's ass -
This is really not fair.
So many women, so little time.
And I'm so far away.
- King -
King: Well, I've decided I may not be a leader of men but I'm gonna be a follower of women. I'll be right back.
- King while Dawn Marie was strutting her stuff -
Cole: I think Stacy's late for class.
King: I'm gonna make her stay after summer school. She dropped her little book.
Stacy Keibler: Everybody in here knows that I should have won that, right? The only reason why Torrie won was because she's sleeping with one of the judges, Maven.